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All My Exes Text Me From Texas
By R. CHASE Bachelor Behavior My muscles ache, sweat drips from my brow, and my fingers twitch. Am I crazy? Do I have PTSD? Why does every minute tick by, in fear, as I stare at my phone, terrified of...
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Falling Apart
By R. CHASE Bachelor Behavior In Chinua Achebe’s classic book, Things Fall Apart, a simple oversight becomes the progenitor of destruction for the African tribe of Ibo (usually spelled Igbo). The...
View ArticleBoyfriend To Bachelor
By R. CHASE Bachelor Behavior Re-entering the world of the bachelor is a lot like standing in front of a cold pool on a hot summer day. You can either ease yourself in gradually, or you can just jump...
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Dating Reruns
By R. Chase Bachelor Behavior As a kid I used to sit through three months of “Gilligan’s Island” reruns during those lazy summer months between school years. The thing about those reruns is that you...
View ArticleSwan Song For The Middle-Aged Bachelor
By R. CHASE Contributing Writer There he sits, at the corner of the bar. It could be at your neighborhood bar. It could be anywhere. If you’re lucky you might just catch a glimpse of a dying breed, an...
View ArticleGone Fishin’
By R. CHASE Bachelor Behavior There is a cruelty of ironic proportion to the Universe that forces you into serious retrospection at the most inopportune moments of your life. For the aging bachelor,...
View ArticleSearching for The One
By R. CHASE Bachelor Behavior It was 2 a.m., and my phone buzzes, waking me up to a bizarre text from my West Coast buddy. Bromeo: I’m at The One. Me: What? You’re at a club called “The One?” Bromeo:...
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A Halloween Carol
By R. CHASE Bachelor Behavior The music pumps and thuds, electric disco lights flash across the dance club. Snow White is wearing thigh-high stockings with little garter belts attached to her corset....
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The Loebner Prize
By R. CHASE Bachelor Behavior In 1950 Alan Turing devised a test that could determine whether a machine could convince you that it was also a human being. It is now famously known as the Turing Test....
View ArticleTen Thousand Thanksgivings
By R. CHASE Bachelor Behavior If Halloween is the bachelor’s dream holiday, then Thanksgiving is most certainly its anathema. What other holiday can cram you into a house full of relatives at 5 p.m....
View ArticleA Bachelor’s Guide to Christmas
By R. CHASE Bachelor Behavior Several years ago, on Christmas Day, my father woke me from my post-Christmas nap to go visit a relative. “Your uncle Reuben just called, he’s having a rough Christmas....
View ArticleRe-Branding the Bachelor
By R. CHASE Bachelor Behavior 2014 is The Year of The Bachelor. I decided that at 8 a.m. New Years Day, when I woke up without a hangover for the first time in 21 years. With my (temporarily) clear...
View ArticleWhat Men Want
By R. CHASE Bachelor Behavior What do men want? What surprises me is the fact that a woman is actually asking. It is a woman asking, isn’t it? Obviously a man doesn’t need to ask this question. Or...
View ArticleHappy Anniversary To Me
By R. CHASE Bachelor Behavior This is my third anniversary as a columnist. Like a superhero, I am equipped with both a secret identity AND an origin story. This is my story.If you want the full version...
View ArticleThe Man Date
By R. CHASE Bachelor Behavior Sitting at Basa, watching the little jalapeno float gracefully in my highball glass, I started to get nervous. Was I overdressed? Was I wearing too much cologne?...
View ArticleThe Surrogate
By R. CHASE Bachelor Behavior It was a quiet Sunday afternoon at the Mount Adams pool in June when I realized my mistake. A petite Asian lady in a blue bikini was handing me her phone number when her...
View ArticleThe Masculinist: A Man’s Guide to Survival in the Post-Feminist Century
By R. CHASE Bachelor Behavior If you want to see how far woman have come in your lifetime, just watch any episode of “Mad Men,” where they were encouraged to “show a little more leg” if they wanted to...
View ArticleThe Wedding
By R. CHASE Bachelor Behavior My neighbor Sven recently asked me what it was like to be married. I had him perform a mental exercise in which he obtained a dog crate, a pair of scissors, and a plate....
View ArticleGood Will Cougar Hunting Part 1: Stalking the Stalker
By R. CHASE Bachelor Behavior I have a friend named A.J. who, despite his impoverished state, would put on a sport coat and go to Jeff Ruby’s on Saturday night. “I sit here like bait,” he said, quietly...
View ArticleGood Will Cougar Hunting Part 2: Platinum Personality Disorder
By R. CHASE Bachelor Behavior I was reading a book, in my underwear when my neighbor Sven called. “I need your help.” The urgency of his tone dragged me from my couch and forced me to put on pants. His...
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